anonymous on August 29, 2011

Why isn’t my husband ever interested in sex?

My husband and I have been together for seven years, and he isn't interested in sex at all. He likes it about six times per year, but that’s all. He was tested and everything’s physically fine. It’s very hard on our marriage...I’m a sexual person and I would really like to be intimate with my husband. Please help, I don’t know what to do.

answered by David Sobel, MD, JD on August 29, 2011

Thank you for your question. I can certainly understand your frustration, and I’m happy to offer you a few thoughts for your consideration.

A low libido (or low sex drive) can have physical or emotional causes…or both. So I’m glad that your husband has seen a doctor and been tested, and that there’s no physical cause for his low sex drive. That said, couples counseling and sexual counseling may be the most appropriate next step.

Without knowing more about your husband’s sexual history, and whether he was more sexual with you in the past, it’s hard to guess what else might be causing his lack of interest. But a therapist should be able to help your husband determine the root cause of his low libido, as well as how the two of you can better accommodate each other’s different levels of desire.

It may help to know that little or no desire for sex (also called hypoactive or inhibited sexual desire, or HSD or ISD) isn’t unusual. In fact,sex therapists say it’s the most common sexual issue.

Modern life is full of stress, lack of sleep, feelings of isolation and so on – all of which can affect
sex drive. But a therapist or counselor can help you and your husband consider these factors as a whole, and guide you toward improving your sex life and your marriage.

Thanks again for coming to us with your concern, and I hope that you and your husband are soon on your way toward building greater intimacy.

Related info:

David Sobel, MD, JD

Dr. Sobel is a Colorado-based urologist and Director of the Denver Center for Men’s Health. His areas of expertise include men's sexual health and all areas of urology, including urologic oncology, treatment of benign prostatic hypertrophy, stone disease and incontinence. Dr. Sobel was educated at the University of Michigan Law School and the University of Illinois at Chicago College of Medicine, and completed his residency at the Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, IL.

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