anonymous on August 29, 2011

I’m not as attracted to girls as I used to be…am I gay?

I turned 15 last week, and I’ve always been attracted to girls. But lately, I’m thinking more about men, and I’m not so attracted to women anymore. What’s going on? Am I gay?

answered by Annette Fuglsang Owens, MD, PhD on August 29, 2011

That’s a great question, and I’m glad you shared it with us. You’re the only one who can figure out whether you’re gay. But, as food for thought, I’m happy to offer you some information about what typical 15-year-old boys tend to go through at this stage in their development.

First, at your age, hormones and fantasies can change quickly. Typically, body chemistry is variable at this stage of development, so your response to sexual stimuli may change, too.

Second, the gender that you’re attracted to at any given time doesn’t necessarily reflect your sexual identity. Although you don’t currently find women arousing, that could change again. Likewise, while you find men intriguing at the moment, that could change again, too. It’s also possible that your recent focus on men is more about curiosity than sexual attraction.

In other words, discovering your sexuality is part of growing up. As you pay attention to whom you’re attracted to over time, you may find that, eventually, a particular orientation just “sticks.” Or you might not. Some people don’t feel the need to label themselves depending on which gender they’re attracted to, and some do.

So I would encourage you to relax and allow yourself the time and space to experiment and grow into the sexual identity that’s most natural and comfortable for you. The important thing to remember is that it’s a process.

Thanks for writing and good luck.

Related info:

Annette Fuglsang Owens, MD, PhD

Dr. Owens is an AASECT-certified sexuality counselor. Her areas of expertise include the medical aspects of human sexuality and sexual problems, as well as the impact of STDs ⎼ and other diseases, illnesses and disabilities ⎼ on sexuality. Dr. Owens was educated at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark.

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