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Question:
My husband has a higher sex drive than I do....and when we were younger(I am 22 and he is 21 now and we have a 16 month old son) I was able to keep up with him....but now i cant...any suggestions about the problem or advise as to how to deal with it?
Greatly Appreciated!
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (02/28/2005)
Thanks for a great question, one that is pretty common in women, no matter what your age. What you are experiencing is something women with a young child often feel after the birth.
You are to be admired for wanting to really work on this, and I hope that your husband appreciates your looking for help.
Sexual desire is so variable over the life span, and though you are both young, you are still busy and taking care of a child is especially tiring. There often just isn't the same type of energy that you had before all these responsibilities.
Having said all that, it doesn't mean your sex life has to end. I notice that you have tried lubricants and more foreplay. Those won't necessarily help you with desire though.
It is also pretty common for both partners to have very different needs when it comes to frequency. The person who wants sex more often may inadvertently push the person who is less desirous to feel that something needs to change on their part.
What you may need to do is 1) have some special time once every few weeks just for the two of you to relax and enjoy a night out like you used to have when you dated 2) negotiate fewer times for sex, so that you can both feel that you are working to some compromise that you both can live with 3) not always have intercourse, but do other things that you might enjoy just as much - maybe a massage, back rub or foot massage.
And I would suggest that you might look for a counselor who specializes in sex interest disparities. Sometimes just having a professional help you negotiate can be helpful. This is such a common issue for couples, but because people don't talk about it much, you get the feeling you are alone - AND you aren't.
Please feel free to write back for more thoughts on this from another specialist on this web site.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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