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i've been sexual active since 14 i have a child and I never had an orgasim i've tried everything i can't masterbate i never get wet i am always dry i've tried toys my man wet down on me i tried slow fast taking my time relaxing all kinds of driffent positions and still i never get wet or get an orgasium please give me the best sloution to my problems i want to experience the feeling not just for me but for my partner also
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Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (06/02/2005)
Ok Sweetie, it seems that you have a pretty big problem on your mind right now. Let's see if we can get to the root of it. So you've been pretty thorough it seems with trying different avenues to create some sexual pleasure,but nothing is working for you. Fast, slow, different positions, oral sex, relaxing and masturbating. You said masturbating doesn't work for you and i'm wondering what exactly that means? Does it mean that you don't expereince any sexual pleasure or do you not get wet and have an orgasm? Wetness does not necessarily imply arousal or desire, ESPECIALLY if you are using hormonal birth control methods-they can suck up your vaginal lubrication so when you should be getting wet you don't. Have you tried lubrication, store bought? I would recommend purchasing some called Eros or Pink, both silicone, non irrating and good for all types of sex (oral anal vaginal). Because these lubes can't be picked up at the drugstore, I would recommend purchasing them on-line. They are on the expensive side but they last forever and are very gentle on the skin.
Have you tried having a lubricated finger placed in your anus? Sometimes anal play is just the thing that some women need to get them off as it stimulates a different area of the clitoris located in the body. Make sure there are no hangnails and that you breathe in through your nose and out through you mouth when the finger is going in, but that might be just the trick to get you off.
The other thing is that when people start to focus solely on the lack of their abilitiy to orgasm, they are so preoccupied with having one. It's almost like it's shutting down your whole sexual response cycle. So, while I know this may be irrating to read, have some store bought lubricated fondling with NO intention of having an orgasm. You might find you are able to have one when you are least expecting it as you have taken some of the pressure off yourself.
Sometimes the body doesn't produce enough sex hormones.
Go see your primary care physician and tell them you are having a major problem with your sexual response. Ask to have your hormone levels tested to be sure they are in the normal range. If they are too low, they can possibly give you some synthetic hormones to boost your system up.
Some people don't allow themselves to experience arousal in front of others due to the fact that they may make a funny face or sound during sex, so they become stiff. The cause of this stiffness is the person being overly concerned with how they look. Being able to sexually feel means giving up control in front of someone else, allowing feelings and sensations to wash over your body and mind. If you think this is the reason you are having trouble, I recommend going to see a therapist to help get you out of this control issue.
The last thing is where my mind keeps leading me back to though. I wonder if you were ever sexually abused/molested or raped in your past. It is quite common for those who have been assaulted to shut down their sexual pleasure response system. To become excited would almost be like being assaulted over again so the body pushes it away as a protection method. If this is the case, I recommend going to see a therapist to deal with these issues as they will continue to haunt you and wreck your sex life until they are discussed.
Those are all the possiblities I can think of dear. You have a lot of options to weed through now and whatever road you travel down will require some work, whether physical or mental. Good luck though and write back if you have any other questions that arise due to this response.
Thanks for writing in and I hope this is helpful.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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