Answer:
by Jenni Skyler: (12/26/2009)
Thank for the question. Though there are lots of unknowns going on in your relationship, let’s start with you. When you please a woman with your finger(s), you may want to ensure that your fingernails are clipped and any calluses buffed, softened, and lotioned. Naturally, you will want to ensure your fingers are clean. Many women prefer clitoral stimulation to internal, vaginal stimulation. Thus, penetrating a woman with a finger too prematurely may cause discomfort. I’m curious if you both have discussed your preferred means of foreplay and arousal building. For instance, your girlfriend may prefer her inner thighs to be caressed and her neck to be nibbled as she builds toward higher levels of arousal and wetness. After that, she may enjoy soft, sensuous clitoral stimulation. Let her guide your finger inside if she wants that. By the time you have intercourse, both her arousal and desire systems may be kicking in high gear, possibly making the intercourse more comfortable and pleasurable than the fingering.
On the other hand, if she is adequately lubricated and yearning for more, then experiment with different positions while you finger her. Perhaps doggy style is a more comfortable position for both fingers and penis, then again, perhaps she wants your finger from the front and only very shallow, and your penis from the back, and very deep. The key is this: every person has their own sexual fingerprint. Like a personalized topography map, you need time to learn the terrain before you are able to masterfully navigate all the secret trails. Let her be your tour guide by being open to communicating about exactly what feels good and what doesn’t.
For more tips and tools on vaginal stimulation, check out the DVD, Fire in the Valley: Female Genital Massage. For general info to bolster your sexual intimacy together, check out Barbara Keesling’s excellent book, Sexual Pleasure: Reaching New Heights of Sexual Arousal and Intimacy. Good luck. This is a fun journey!
Reviewed by: Kathleen Scarbo (VanKirk) MA, DHS, CYT
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