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Question:
I have always been sexually active, but my boyfriend has not. He had intercourse for his
first time with me, about a week ago. We have had intercourse twice. Our problem is that his penis
keeps slipping out while he is pumping me. we have tried several different positions, and
nothing seems to help.Even doggy style it kept slipping out! Could it be because he is just inexperineced, or could his penis
be too small? He will just get it inside me, and it keeps slipping out. Any ideas on why this is happening?
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Answer:
by Blaise Parker: (06/25/2004)
Hi,
This problem is not uncommon, and it could be due to a number of factors that you've touched on. Sex is a skill that needs to be learned, and if your boyfriend is inexperienced it could simply be that he hasn't figured it all out yet. Time and practice may help things in that regard.
Second, it could be due to a number of physiological factors. I would never say that he is "too small" or that you are "too large" or "too wet," because these are issues that we have learned to be sensitive about and many people worry over whether their sexual organs are normal in size and function. You didn't mention anything out of the ordinary, so I suspect you are both well within the "normal" size range for human sexual organs and have nothing to worry about.
However, it is true that all of these factors (size of the penis/vagina and amount of lubrication) can affect how easily someone slips in and out of someone else. The first suggestion I would make is one you've already tried: vary your sexual positions. Actually although doggy style is a good position for deep penetration, in my experience it's also one that is easy to slip out of. I would think that missionary position and woman-on-top position would be the best to facilitate the penis staying inside. Also if you are on top you can somewhat control the depth of penetration. Instead of moving up and down, for instance, you might find it pleasant to simply rock your hips on top of his. It's much more difficult to slip out that way.
You also might try the "coital alignment technique" (CAT), which is described at this web page. It is much like the missionary position but involves a slightly different positioning of the bodies. If he is not large enough to move up your body without slipping out, it may not work. However, if he can manage to do that, it involves a lot more rocking and slow controlled movements as opposed to wild thrusting movements that could be causing some of your problem.
Another question is, is he fully erect when you are attempting to make love? If he is still somewhat soft, it might cause the same sort of slipping out problems. If he is not getting a full erection, you may wish to talk to him about why. Is there something that is making him worried or unable to fully enjoy himself? Is there something sexy he'd like to try? You can also try cock rings to maintain a full erection, although do follow their instructions and don't use them for extended periods of time. If this is the source of the problem, he also might want to talk to a doctor if it continues.
Last, I would say this. It may simply be a problem that continues to occur due to size differences. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that you are doomed to an unhappy, uncomfortable sex life together. If you try not to view sex as a goal-oriented activity, you may find that you can be just as satisfied and happy once you figure out other ways to pleasure one another. If he does have a somewhat small penis, he is likely to be sensitive and feel bad about it. However, with the incorporation of other sexual techniques such as mutual masturbation and oral sex, and perhaps (if you're both comfortable with it) sex toys, you may find that you can have a pleasurable and fun sex life without getting (ahem) hung up on this one issue. :)
Best of luck to you both!
Blaise
P.S. There is no "miracle" fix to enlarge the penis, just in case you or he were wondering... pills, penis pumps, surgery, etc, are not generally effective (except the surgery, which can also be dangerous). The only cure I've ever heard working is that overweight men can sometimes increase their penis size by dieting! Sometimes the base of the penis is surrounded by fat tissue in that situation.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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