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Question:
Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and we have been having intercourse for about the same amount of time. I was a virgin prior to this. There is a distance issue with us so we have sex on average one to three times a week. And now my question is regarding the fact that I have yet to have an orgasm. Now, I get to a point where I can't talk and that a warm sensation washes over me. I get really tired and kind of hold my breath. At times it feels as if I am going to pee myself. At which I tell him to stop in fear of peeing. It will last for maybe a few seconds then ends. I'm curious as to whether this is normal when you are trying to have your first and whether it gets easier with every time? Or is there something wrong with me or my body that just wont allow me to have an orgasm? Every time I have sex I feel deprived and upset because I cannot have an orgasm. I feel as if I'm doing something wrong. I was told that you have to want one for you to get one. I'm not sure of the truth behind that because I do want it. I'm just feeling upset and worried that perhaps there is something wrong with me.
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Answer:
by Gale Golden: (02/05/2006)
Hi : Sorry you feel so upset about having an orgasm. It is something that takes a while to develop and since you are new at the game, I am not surprised that it hasn't happened instantly.
A few things might be helpful. First talk with your boyfriend and agree that you are not even going to try for an orgasm for a while until you get to know your body better and get a few things sorted out. Enjoy all the other aspects of sex with your boyfriend for a while.
My suggestions are: 1. On your own, in a place that feels private and safe, experiment with touching your body all over (including the genitals) and see how things feel. Stimulate your genitals in any way you want to for a while and see what happens. 2. You might really find it helpful to get a book by Lonnie Barbach called For Yourself and read through it and try some of the exercises she recommends. 3. Give yourself a few months to try all this and get relaxed with yourself. If these suggestions do not work for you or cause you more anxiety, then consult someone in your area for some help. Planned Parenthood would likely be able to give you a recommendation for a therapist or find a woman's health center that can give you some names. I am sure you will eventually have an orgasm but don't rush it. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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