There are several things you might do to make it less painful for her. Obviously she has found that if she is drunk, she doesn't feel the pain. I am not recommending that you continue that because she also doesn't get to experience any pleasure when she is drunk and there may be no reason to engage in intercourse if she isn't feeling pleasure as well as you.

I don't know what you mean by a "normal" sex life, because many people give each other pleasure without having intercourse. If you are not able to wear condoms (and have had prior sexual experiences with others) you do need to protect against transmission of sexually transmitted infections and that may be that you don't put the penis inside of the vagina. There are many places of the body including the inner thighs, the breasts, the hands and mouth that allow the feeling of sexual arousal for a male as well as intercourse. For your female partner, it is the rubbing of the clitoris that probably is more likely to trigger orgasm, not the placement of the penis inside of her.

There are many other ways though, to experience more pleasureable intercourse. One is to make sure there is much water based lubricant used on the penis. The more lubricant the more likely it is to slide in and not hurt. If it doesn't hurt, she may relax more and find that her muscles will stretch more easily to accomodate a larger size.

Also, if you would lay on your back and let her sit on top, she can have more control on how far the penis goes in. It is often uncomfortable for women to have the penis thrusting against the cervix which is the bottom of the uterus. It hurts! The woman should be having as much pleasure in all this as the man, so you will have to adapt your body positions to accomodate each other.

I urge you to find other ways to protect each other from disease transmission by using other types of condoms. First, some brands come in Large sizes. I don't know what brands you have in UK but companies do make larger ones. You also can use the REality condom which is made to put inside the female. It is very large, like a bag and doesn't squeeze on the penis at all. It is made of polyurethane and as protective as latex is. There are also male condoms made from polyurethane (NOT lambskin -these don't protect against virus transmission). Several companies produce these now, and they are not nearly as tight as those made from latex.

I hope these are helpful suggestions. If you would like to write back, please feel free to contact me with more questions.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team