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Question:
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for 7 years before then. We had our first baby about 4 months ago. Since the baby was born, we have not had sexual intercourse. Whenever we try, it must scare me or something becuase as soon as he touches me inside of the vaginal area it feels very tender and almost painful, and when I tell him that it hurts he stops. Then he is obviously disappointed and I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. I am breastfeeding, and I read that breastfeeding will reduce your sexual desire, but I feel like I have no more sexual desire anymore. It could also be stress, I'm not sure. Is there anything that could help, such as medication (that you can take while breastfeeding) or maybe hypnotism? I don't want this to ruin our marriage.

Answer:
by Poosha Darbha:
()
I am sorry for the inordinate delay in posting reply. If you are feeling tenderness in the vagina 4 months after delivery, you need a gynecological examination to see what went wrong and to rectify it. I think that should solve your problem of painful sex (if it still persists).

As to the loss of sexual desire and 'not feeling a sexual person any more' - this is common during breastfeeding. Also as you have rightly guessed, the stress and strain of having to look after the newly arrived baby in addition to daily chores and the vast changes in the time, timing, and quality of sleep, lack of sufficient rest - such factors also add to the problem. Discuss your concerns with your husband and I am sure he would understand and support you. Both of you focus your attention to the baby for a few more months and enjoy watching the child grow. Be assured that you will be back to normalcy as soon as you start weaning or even earlier. If you still think you or your husband are dissatisfied with the situation, please see a counsellor immediately.

Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.

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