I am glad you are using lubricant because I always suggest this to couples. Using a water based lubricant such as KY Jelly or AStroglide can be very helpful, and cut down on the abrasion and pain.

What has happened is not that you have built up more muscle, but the muscle that you have which is a ring around the vagina and extends back to the anus (called the PC muscles) are just tight and strong. It is common for women who have not had a vaginal delivery. You may have also not practiced relaxing and tightening them while he has been gone. One way you can do this and to test out that you are working those muscles is to urinate in a toilet and stop the urine flow once it starts. The muscles it takes to do that are the PC muscles. Once you isolate those muscles you can begin to learn to relax them a little as well.

I hope this is helpful to you, and feel free to write back and ask more questions of you should want to.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team