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Question:
Hi, I've never had sex before and I really don't know much about it. My question is, is it normal to not be able to masturbate? I know it's a silly question, but I've tried masturbating before but I just couldn't get aroused. What if I can't get aroused either if I do have actual sex? I just can't imagine something going in and out would be that much fun for the girl. I tried using my finger and it is actually more discomfort than pleasure. I've read stuff about masturbation, about this pleasure zone and that, and the clitoris too, but I don't think I have them.
I have another problem which has been worrying me. Sometimes if I read or see something arousing, I would feel pain in my vagina (or somewhere in that region, i don't know). I don't think it is normal. Aren't people supposed to get a nice tingly sensation? I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those people that have painful sex.
I really hope you would be able to get to my questions. Thank you for reading!
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
You sound like a very bright and responsible young woman. I am so happy that you are concerned about your sexual health because it can be a very important part of your adult life.
As far as masturbating is concerned, it is not unusual for someone not to get aroused by just the touching of the body. Women, (and men too) often need more than physical touch to stimulate pleasure. They need fantasy, visuals that are erotic, emotional connection to name a few. So just to get your body to arouse by touching it may not be enough.
You also may not feel pleasure if you put something in your opening to the vagina, if you don't have lubricant on the finger. The finger and the skin it is touching is too dry, and it will feel like pain. You need to get a K-Y jelly or Astroglide or other water-based lubricant and put it in the area and on the fingers.
You do have a clitoris, you just need to know where to look for it. There are few books that show it since our culture seems to want to keep pictures away from young people. You will need to find a picture in the bookstore where the books are on sexual health, rather than in your high school biology book which won't show it.
The clitoris is very tiny, pea shaped and at the front of your vulva just under your pubic bone. It is covered by a hood of skin to protect it, and it probably won't feel good to touch it unless you are really in the mood to have sexual arousal and feelings.
I don't think you will have any trouble getting in the mood when you use your fantasy or a great romance novel with sex in it to stimulate some of your sexual feelings. As a female we get so many messages as a child to shut down our sexual feelings that it may take some time and work on your part to get those sexual feelings going.
Please feel free to write back as you continue to explore your own sexual arousal.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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