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Question:
I can't masterbate. It's doesn't feel good to me. It does when my husband does it but I can't have an orgasm. I know that I get really wet sometimes and other times not so much. It really bothers me that I haven't had an orgasm. I tell my husband that I cum but I'm not for sure.
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Answer:
by Scott Gross: (06/05/2005)
Hi and thanks for your question. A lack of orgasm is something that plagues many women, and often times the problem comes from not having enough information, not taking enough time, and being goal oriented. I am a little confused when you say that you "can't" masturbate. Do you just mean that self pleasure does not feel good to you, or do you feel prohibited from masturbating for some reason? Not all women can orgasm or find pleasure from touching themselves with their hands. Many women press their vulvas (your genitals) against pillows or other soft objects. Others use toys and vibrators to stimulate the clitoris to reach orgasm, and many women have said that running water over their clitoris is extremely pleasurable (either in the shower or in the tub). If using your hand isn't working, then I would suggest a vibrating toy and plenty of lube. Vibration on the clitoris can be a very powerfully pleasurable experience, and the lube will help with those periods of vaginal dryness and to make the experience more comfortable.
Some things to try with your husband would be different positions, and the inclusion of a vibrating toy mentioned above. Many women have difficulty orgasming during intercourse because they simply do not get enough clitoral stimulation. The woman on top position is very popular for this because the woman can press and rub her clitoris against her partner's pelvic bone. Also, remember to slow down and not think of orgasm as the finish line; it's just something to enjoy along the way. When we focus on making orgasm our priority, then when we fail to reach that goal we create a downward spiral. We're setting ourselves up for failure. Orgasm is a very powerful and pleasurable experience, and I know you want to experience it. However, first you need to change your mindset and how you approach the problem. Slow down and try different things. If clitoral stimulation isn't working, take a step back and touch other parts of your body. Have your husband give you a massage, or move into a different position. Take your time and enjoy your love making. When you get relaxed and just enjoy the moment, then you just might find that orgasm creeping up on you.
I wish you the best of luck. If you have other questions please don't hesitate to ask.
Scott GrossReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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