But I had some other concerns. I was just wondering when i wrote to other people why was it that they were all like well that theoretically sperm could be alive in public toilets and although unlikely dut does cause a risk of pregnancy. Basically it made me terrified to go out. I just wanted to know why are there such differnet answers out there. Seeing your credentials it made me feel like i could trust you. BUt I want to know where do people at these differnet sites that so many teenagers as well as others go to get their information get their info and why does it say such different things. Also i see that you have A Phd did you do your research in sexuality? And I repsect you and I wish I could just come and talk to you face-face. I just have so much going on in my mind about sexuality that talking to you would be something i need. Being out of the country causes a potential problem :( anywyas

I have one other question for you. I have seen that you have answered this question in your archives but i just needed to talk to about it. I do have a bf and both of us have decided that we will abstain from sex until marriage. However we do cuddle in our clothes and hug and kiss and sometimes things do get excited. One day about 1 day before i got my period (I did get my period on time!) both OF US WERE FULLY CLOTHED as in he was wearing underwear, undershirt, shirt and pants and i was wearing underwear, shirt and pants but things got heated. I was wondering is it possible for sperm from pre-cum to have gotten through so many clothes? He DID NOT ejac but i know he was excited and a lil hard. He said he didnt even feel any wetness in his pants and although dark we could not see any wet spot on his pants. Is it possible for sperm to have gotten through all those clothes and onto my hand and pose a threat when i go to the bathroom 10-15 mins later? One of your collegaues said that even fooling around in all your clothes does cause a risk if semen gets through the clothes? Can semen get through that many clothes and even if it does can seprm really get through them even though they are really small.

Thats the other question that freaks me out...so many people out there say that yes sperm are small enough to get through clothing and then so many that say say if you are wearing just underwear you are in danger then few that says clothing is a barrier...also some say that sperm die outside within seconds, some say under a min some say 20 mins and some say 1/2 hr-4 hrs (OUT IN THE AIR).Who do i believe :( I am freaking out because my period is 2 weeks away and i am losing my mind and i am making my bf lose his mind. I know you might say that since i have my periods from the above incident i shouldnt worry but then i read about how if you have short cycles (25 day)and sperm can live up to 7-8 days then that could be a problem. As you can see I am really close to losing my mind. It is just that everytime i feel a lil better i read some answer or see wom website that says no you are wrong sperm can get through clothing or sperm in toilets "could theorteically" cause a risk :( Can you please please please help me ease my mind :( do i need to worry this much :( I wonder how people who are out having sex deal with all this...just things like this freak me out i wouldnt even be able to handle actual sex!

By the way! Thank you! You are amazing!

First let me assure you that there is NO way that sperm can get through the layers of clothing. Even though they may get damp from the semen or sweat (which happens when you getting turned on) the sperm can't swim through the cloth. It isn't something you have to worry about. It just can't happen.

You certainly know enough to know that when your bf gets excited even if he doesn't ejaculate, he may have pre-cum. That is actually what the body does in males to help sperm stay alive. Because a man also urinates through his penis, urine leaves acids and salts which can damage sperm even inside of semen. The body then sends out a lubricant of acid reducing substances prior to ejaculation during sexual arousal. That solution doesn't usually have much, if any, semen in it (or disease organisms) but since we don't know for sure on each male, people are cautious to not let pre-cum touch the opening or inside of the vagina either. That is why many do what you do and keep their clothes on. That feels just as good anyway, and many people love stimulating each other in that way.

As far as why people give you inaccurate information, I really don't know for sure.I think that some people have never learned the accurate information and believe some of the myths, even when they have been educated. Very few people in the U.S., at least, know what they should know about sexuality topics. I know that some sites want to scare people from even engaging in anything sexual until they are older and married. What that does is exactly what it is doing to you, scaring you. And then once you do get married and finally can have sex in a variety of ways, you are then supposed to all of a sudden be turned on. I think that a couple, like you and your bf, can explore and enjoy safe sexual arousal together. You won't have intercourse, but there are so many other things that are safe, pleasurable and can create intimacy between you.

I am glad to be here to answer questions for you. I live in the Philadelphia area if you ever do want to meet and talk sometime. I don't know where you live but you at least know where I am.

I usually look at my email at least once every two days so I am not too far away if you have a question about something that scares you. I really don't want you going through life being scared when it is only because people are keeping the accurate information from you. I'm really glad you are using these sites. There is another web site that I like and answer questions on though you can't get to me directly since there are several of us answering. The archives might be good ones for you though. It is www.sxetc.org I know that we try to give accurate information on that site as well. And we check it out if we don't know something. I have lots of books to help me if I don't know something.

Thanks for writing me back with such a nice note, and PLEASE feel free to continue to write me. This is what I love to do. I grew up without information and know how much it would have helped me, so I will gladly help you as well!

If I didn't address everything you wanted addressed please be sure to ask me again.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team