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Question:
I have never been able to orgasm. I thought it may be due to medication I was taking, but I switched and even got off the medication and still experience the same problem. I haven't lost my sex drive, but it has become frustrating and disapointing for both my boyfriend and I. My first sexual experience was traumatic and although I don't feel like it affects me anymore, I don't know what else could cause this problem.
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Answer: by Annette Owens: (06/07/2004)
You said in your additional information that your boyfriend lost interest in sex with you because he feels inadequate because you cannot reach orgasm. Do you enjoy sex with him despite the fact that you do not have orgasms? If so, be sure to let him know. Many women do not have orgasms, but they can still enjoy intimacy and sex. Try to focus less on orgasm and more on what other aspects of your relationship are enjoyable. Sex is not about reaching certain goals such as orgasm, but about having a pleasant and fun time together. The more you and your boyfriend tense up about the issues of you not reaching orgasm, the less fun it will be.
If you would like to try to have an orgasm, I suggest starting on your own. We have lots of information on our orgasm channel on the left hand side. Be sure to read "Twenty helpful hints for women to reach orgasm" by Cynthia Lief Ruberg, at http://www.sexualhealth.com/fullstory.cfm?ID=16. We also have many links to good self-help books.
It is possible that your difficulties reaching orgasm are related to your first sexual experience having been traumatic. But the two things are not necessarily related.
All the best,
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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