What you need to know is that first intercourse is going to be different for each person. Around the opening into the vagine there is a thin skin commonly called "hymen" or in slang "cherry". That skin is there on ALL women of all ages who have never had a baby. I have not had a baby so I still have a hymen even though I am older and have had intercourse.

The hymen is very thin and probably is there more as a protection to keep bad bacteria from entering the vagina too easily. It does not cover the entire opening (or a woman/girl wouldn't have a place where menstrual blood could go).

When a person first has intercourse the penis is larger than the opening into the vagina and the hymen gets pushed out of the way. It is more likely to be pushed than popped in many people. Like your mother, it is stretched out of the way in other activities. Even using a tampon can stretch it a little so it gets used to being moved around. Some women have a little bleeding, but many people don't have anything. It might hurt a little for some and not at all for others.

What makes first intercourse most pleasurable is that you feel old enough to be well protected from pregnancy and diseases and therefore can relax with a partner. You need to know that person well so you can talk about what you are feeling and if you are feeling hesitant then you don't want to go ahead until you feel really sure. Also, couples often use condoms for protection, and the condoms can be lubricated with water-based gel like KY jelly which makes it more slippery and less likely to tear the hymen in any way.

Often the pain that some describe in first intercourse is more that the girl is scared, the ring of muscles around the opening into the vagina is tight and the penis pushes in, making her hurt.

If you are with someone you can communicate with, you can plan this first intercourse so that there is lots of lubrication, good protection and it probably will be a nice, pain free and very pleasurable experience.

Thanks for writing and if you have more questions please feel free to write back again. I am a teacher who works with young people your age so I answer almost anything you can ever think of.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team