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Question:
i am 17 years old, and i have a rather embarrasing question to ask. i have only masturbated a couple times, but i do not get any pleasure from it. my boyfriend also has tried to get me to have an orgasm. i am sexually active, but it seems that nothing works, that is to acheive an orgasm. i know what a clitoris is, but honestly i dont know exactly where it is. it is very embarrasing. it feels really good every time he touches me down there, but not enough. i dont know what to do. i have heard though, that there are some woman out there who may never experience an orgasm... is that true?
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
Yours is a wonderful question and one that many young women ask. It is true that some women never experience orgasm, but it is rare in today's times. Having an orgasm for a woman is a little more difficult than for a man because men can get easily turned on when the penis is stroked - so putting a penis into a vagina gets them really turned on.
For women, the learning is different. The first thing that you said that I worried about is that your boyfriend may feel badly that he can't give you an orgasm AND that you feel somehow inadequate as well. In our culture, we don't learn about how to enjoy sexual pleasure. We certainly don't get positively reinforced for pleasuring ourselves (masturbation) or even as women for being aroused sexually (then we are sluts). Therefore, it takes more communication and working together with partners to learn to really enjoy sex. That also doesn't mean we have to have an orgasm. Too much focus gets put on the orgasm (I get lots of questions from men who orgasm too fast and therefore don't get pleasure either!) and not enough on pleasuring and finding different ways to touch, to place our bodies, to use other parts of our bodies to pleasure, etc.
You say you feel pleasure so that is a start (since not all women feel that!) The clitoris is a pleasure point just below your pelvic bone at the very front of the vulva which is the name of the area that has the openings you urinate from and where the vaginal opening and surrounding lips are. It often gets rubbed in different body positions or with fingers if the partner is putting fingers into the vagina. There are many ways to increase your pleasure and I urge the two of you to just keep experimenting and finding new ways to pleasure each other. Along the way you may find you have another experience of an orgasm (I say "another" because some people have orgasms and don't know it because they don't know what one is to feel like!)
You can also go to book stores or order them on line to increase your pleasuring ideas. Betty Dodson helps women learn how to pleasure themselves and to have better chances at having orgasms. You can also look up books to enhance pleasure in sex which you can use to get other ideas.
Thanks for writing and feel free to write again.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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