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Question:
I am a thirteen-year old girl and I have been masturbating for a couple of months now. How can I tell my parents? Sexuality is an awkward topic in my family.

Answer:
by Scott Gross:
(07/17/2006)
Hello and thank you for your question. I am curious to know if there is a reason you feel like you need to tell your parents that you are masturbating. Masturbation for most people is a very private, personal experience that is seldom shared with even the closest people. You mentioned that they knock on the door while you are masturbating; do you think they suspect what you are doing when you are alone? You are at an age when you need more privacy from your parents than ever before, and sooner or later your parents will have to begin to respect that. I would suggest that you begin a conversation with your parents about privacy rather than starting off with masturbation. There's no reason you ever need to tell them that you are masturbating. That is just a personal experience for you. However, letting them know how you feel about your privacy is a good place to start with some of these issues. You are lucky that your parents knock first...there are many parents who don't even do that! Having an open dialogue with your parents about your sexuality is a very good thing for both you and your parents. It will help both you and them feel better about yourselves and the decisions you make. It will also help alleviate a lot of worry on their part. However, if sexuality is a seldom talked about subject in your house then you may want to be careful with how much personal information you share with them right away. Think about how they might react if you told them that you masturbate. Will they be happy and supportive, or will they be shocked and angry (I certainly hope not!)? On the other hand, your parents might not know how to start the dialogue with you about sexuality and may be relieved when you bring it up first. Sexuality can be an awkward topic for anyone, be they family, really close friends, or even sexual partners. However, if handled with care, everyone will benefit from talking openly, honestly, and responsibly about sexuality. Wishing you the best of luck, M. Scott Gross

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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