I can just imagine how frustrating this must be for you. You have waited for so long to enjoy intercourse and now have this stumbling block.

Well,if it makes you feel better, there are many who experience it just as you have. You are not at all alone.

I do want you to find a gynecologist in London to go to first. I don't know how to tell you to find one there. I know that in the US a person can look in the phone directory under medical professionals, doctors and then under specialities. Since you have access to the internet you might even try entering a search on line. I would also call another doctor and ask for a recommendation. Also, if there are birthing hospitals nearby, go to one and ask for one of the doctors who work there. This would also be a good help to you since you say you would like to have children; the doctor there can help you with fertility suggestions (and intercourse).

I realize that most people aren't comfortable helping a couple who has pain during intercourse, yet we all know that this happens commonly. It also happens more often in older women. When a teenager is engaged in wanted intercourse, it seems her body lubricates and stretches more. That does NOT mean that you can't have pleasureable intercourse.

After you are examined by a doctor who can tell you that the opening to the vagina looks open enough for penetration, the next step is to make sure that you have two things: relaxation and plenty of lubrication.

Both of these you may need to get from the outside - get a water based lubricant like Astroglide or K-Y jelly and use plenty of it. Your partner can put lots of it on his finger.

He should not try using his penis for penetration until he can use a finger with lots of lubricant to stimulate you. He needs to also stimulate your clitoris and create lots of arousal. You need to let him know what touch feels good, what touch is too hard, what touch makes you feel that you want more. This needs to be done when you can be relaxed - not just in a nice quiet romantic place, but being relaxed with a glass of wine, some Valerian Root or other herbal relaxant. There is no question, that now after it has been painful, that you are going to be worried about it.

I would also suggest that you engage in all sorts of sexual behaviors that feel good to both of you OTHER than intercourse. You both can have orgasms without intercourse.

I wish I had more room or time to work on this with you. Doing it by email is very difficult. I would go to a web site www.aasect.org and look at the list of therapists that might be able to help you. If there are any in UK, please contact them. If you want to email others who give you their email for treating pain in intercourse, feel free to. This is such a common problem that many people here in the US are used to treating women (and some men) for it.

Please feel free to write again!

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team