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Question:
I have two problems. 1. Nervous and scared and lack of sexual desire. 2. feeling unsexy. I have been married for 10 months. Both my husband and I were virgins before we got married. One month after we got married, we found out we were expecting a baby. The first month of our marriage, I was scared and very nervous about sex. Because of that I have never climaxed. After the discovery of being pregnant, I have not felt very sexy or had the desire to have sex. We thought it would change once I had the baby, but it hasn't. I didn't have a problem with self-confidence before, but I do now. I just don't feel sexy. In fact, I get depressed when I start thinking about having sex. My husband is willing to try anything to help me reach orgasm and would love it if I felt more sexy. Please help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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Answer:
by Rajendra Sathe: ()
Thanks for bringing up this important topic of desire difficulty after pregnancy and childbirth. This major event in the life of a woman can have profound effects on her mind and the body. These are brought about due to changes that occur in the hormonal system. Exactly how the hormones affect is difficult to understand and also unnecessary at this stage. I will suggest some simple measures that you can try.
Testosterone is the hormone that is said to be responsible for sex drive in men and women (yes - women too!). You have to boost this hormone naturally without medication and you will perceive a remarkable difference in your desire for sex and ability to enjoy it. Once that happens, your anxiety will go away. In order to do this you have to start doing exercises that include aerobic activity (brisk walking, slow jogging, swimming and cycling) and flexibility training (yoga is ideal). Begin with a light routine and gradually increase the exercise as your stamina improves. Also, do the 'Kegel's exercises to improve the vaginal muscle tone. This helps you to 'grip' your partner's penis tighter and will surely enhance sex for both of you. Doing them now will also help you to avoid becoming incontinent later in life (involuntary passing of urine).
To do the Kegel's exercises, follow this procedure:
1. Stop and start the flow of urine midstream on many occasions. This will help to identify your pelvic muscles.
2. Once you have realized their presence, try contracting the pelvic muscles whilst sitting on a chair. Initially hold the contraction hard for
one second and then release.
3. Vary the exercise by holding the contraction for up to five seconds and then releasing it. You can mix the exercises up, some short and some long. Gradually increase the number of contractions so that by the end of one month, you are doing ten to fifteen contractions, about twenty times a day. Do the exercises regularly for six weeks to detect a noticeable difference.
Please let me know the results three months later on the following email address: rsathe@indiatimes.com
If your problem persists do not hesitate to contact me and I will try to offer some more help.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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