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Question:
I dated my ex girlfriend for 18 months and she never had an orgasm. This made me feel so bad. She was a virgin and had never masturbated and always said that she was fat, she hated oral sex and only ever wanted me to be in her lying on top of her. I feel so bad though cause I really wanted to give her one. Is this my fault or hers? She wouldnt use a vibrator either.
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Answer:
by Raven James: (06/26/2005)
Well, first of all, I wouldn't want to think it was anyone's fault, blaming yourself or your ex-girlfriend is not the answer. Inexperience can be a big part of why women do not experience orgasm. It can take a long time for some women to learn how their bodies respond to arousal, if ever. Some women never achieve orgasm. If there are body-image issues (which it sounds like there were in this situation), this can impact a person's ability to relax and enjoy pleasure (both men and women!). A vibrator may or may not help a woman achieve an orgasm if she is not comfortable using it, or is uncomfortable with her partner. Orgasm is a very individual and personal experience, and depending on a persons trust level with their sexual partner, this can impact the ability to achieve orgasm as well. As your ex-girlfriend was a virgin and had never masturbated, it sounds as though she did not have a lot of comfort or experience with what types of touch aroused her. I do not know about her religious upbringing, but sometimes, people have beliefs that sex is dirty, or bad, and this can inhibit their ability to experience pleasure also. Trust that you tried to please her, but maybe more communication and time could have helped to solve this issue. On the other hand, it may not have. Relationships take a lot of work, time and trust, and our backgrounds go into how they work (or not). Don't be hard on yourself, this is a common issue for many people.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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