I can suggest a number of different things for each or you individually, and for both, together.

~ For you: The vagina is essentially a muscular tube. Supporting this structure is the muscular pelvic floor. Both of these things will affect your 'tightness'. Try different positions, like with you on top, where you have more control. Look at doing some exercise, aerobics, cycling, or running, all of which improve the tone of your lower body. You may want to also try some KEGEL exercises. These are designed to specifically tighten the pelvic floor.

To do KEGELS: First find the muscles that control your pelvic floor. Do this by sitting on the toilet and starting and stopping the flow of urine. While this includes some urinary bladder muscles as well, it is this whole group of muscles you need to know the 'feel' of. You have probably tightened and relaxed these muscles many times, but not been aware of it. So while you have an empty bladder, or when you are seated anywhere, anytime, then do your "Kegels" Squeeze the muscles in tightly for a count of three. Like you are 'pulling in' if you were busting to go to the toilet. Then relax. Repeat this until the muscles feel tired. Initially this will only be a couple of times before they feel tired. Later you will be able to work up the repetitions. If you do Kegels 2-3 times a day, within a few weeks, you will notice a discernible difference. If you don't notice any difference, get your GP to refer you to a gynaecologist, who can assess your suitability for a vaginal (or pelvic floor) repair, which includes tightening up ligaments and other things as well.

~ For him: A cock-ring can help engorgement and increase sensitivity. Don't smoke. Avoid alcohol if you can. Do pelvic floor exercises and sit ups, which helps strengthen the abdomen and pelvic floor.

For you both: Use water based lubricant, and only a very small amount. You can always add a dab more, but taking it away is not so easy. Use only the smallest amount of lubrication as too much can cause a loss of sensation. Try different positions and work-out together.

Best Wishes, Melissa BEE

Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.