My question is in relation to pre-ejactulation fluid. You see - I've always used the withdrawal method when I've had sex with my partners. For over 6 years I've used it: I have ALOT of control, I know when I will ejaculate, I've never had such an occurance inside the girl that I care about EVER because I can tell well before hand when to pull out, and have the strength to do so. To my knowledge if I never came inside of her I couldn't get her pregnant. My only problem? I NEVER knew that 'pre-cum' might get a girl pregnant. I discovered this only a few days ago when I was talking to my room-mate about sex, and the wonderful new girlfriend I met and the method we used. The schools I went to never had any sex ed classes or seemed to forget that detail, and my parents never talked to me about it (nor I them) so I just kinda went about and discovered things on my own. I always thought that a condom let you cum inside of her (which I suppose it does, but I never understood why one couldn't pull out) but never imagined other threats. (I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases, and I always make sure my partner does not before we engage in any activity, and my last test for such diseases was a year ago.)

Now I am terrified. I NEVER wanted to hurt her, not ever. I feel like such a [censored] and I've boughten more condoms then I can shake a stick at (or fit into my drawer for that matter) and will be using them all the time. We've talked about it ALOT and (assuming she is not pregnant) cried a bit, and are a bit scared. I'm using them all the time, and still withdrawing before I "let go" as well just to be safe. I've started reading everything I can on-line which brings me to the real question:

I've seen quite a few answers about what's in pre-cum and I'm curious because some of them contradict each other. CAN it have sperm in it normally, without having an ejaculation before hand? (I've not had one and then re-entered, I cum far away - by her feet and knees by moving my entire body away when I'm going to do so, none 'drips' into her). In my case we've had sex 8 times so far - 4 of those times I've had an orgasim, none of those times in her, and I've never re-entered after having an organsim either. Her period started on December 19th and the last time we had sex was on the 2nd of Janurary.

Whatever happens I'm standing by her, and I'm going to be so apologitic from this day forward. I don't believe anything will happen, but the possibility is so frightening that I can't think of anything else, for some reason I had to say that here as well, I'm not a bad person... I've... just made bad choices it seems. Lastly, what books or reading material can you recommend to me so I can further educate myself? I've seen people link to Contraceptive Technologies before and plan on picking this up, is there any other books of equal stature? Thank you very much in advance.

As you will know if you have read questions in my queue you will know that I abide by the research that is discussed in Contraceptive Technology (and there is a new version being printed now that will be out in February). In the last version, under the heading of coitus interruptus, there is a good discussion of the effectiveness of withdrawal. It is considered as effective as other barrier methods such as the latex condom if you are experienced and exact in using it. You say that you are, so that means it is an effective method for preventing pregnancy for you.

In precum, there is very little sperm and none if there has not been an ejaculation prior. Even urinating between ejaculations help decrease the amount of sperm that might be hiding in the folds of skin of the urethra.

What precum semen does have is disease organisms since those get into the fluids in a number of different ways. You said that you have been tested and that your partner has none.(If this is based on trust of your partner's honesty, you may need more verification than this!) You need to make sure that your partner is tested because we assume that we have not been infected, and the viruses of genital warts, HPV and even HIV are not noticeable in the ways the bacteria organisms of chlamydia and gonorrhea are.

That is why it is good and important that you are now using latex (or polyurethane) condoms. They will help protect against most of the disease germs that are within the fluids. They don't protect against any that may be on the skin, but if you have each been monogamous and not had outside sexual contact there isn't any way to get those disease organisms.

By the time you read this email, her period will probably have come and you won't feel so worried.

There is a lot of reason why there are conflicting ideas on this. Many people believe that if you are engaging in intercourse you should be married and if a pregnancy results then it will be welcomed, thus teaching people that withdrawal doesn't work will scare them into not having sexual intercourse. Those of us who do not believe that fear works, that want to see what the research says use that as our basis. The research does show us that withdrawal can be an effective method - that no method is 100%, but that removing the penis before ejaculating certainly reduces the risk considerably.

There are other good educational books for those of you (and most of us) who have not ever had much education about sexuality topics. Our Bodies OurSelve; Changing Bodies, CHanging LIves both have loads of information in them (Ruth Bell, author). Almost any text book that is written for college age students and courses that are taken in college has good information as well. You might also go to the SIECUS web site (Sexuality Information and Education Council of US) for a list of the good textbooks available.

I hope this is helpful and please feel free to write again if you have questions.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team