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Question:
I WAS RAPED AND I FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE HERPES AND I NEED TO KNOW IF I CAN HAVE NORMAL SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT INFECTING HIM AND ARE THERE ANY LIMITATIONS ON THINGS WE CAN DO TO EACH OTHER SEXUALLY? IS THERE SOME KIND OF VACCINE HE CAN GET SO THAT HE DOESNT CONTRACT THIS VIRUS?
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Answer:
by Kelly Ace: (04/20/2007)
Unfortunately, there is no vaccine or other method of guaranteeing that herpes won’t be passed on to a partner during sexual contact. You can best reduce the risk by always using condoms (or dental dams for oral sex) and avoiding sexual contact during the times you have an active outbreak or feel like you are about to have an outbreak. Some people describe this as an itching, aching, or tingling sensation in their genitals a day or so before sores actually appear.
This link will take to you more articles about herpes, safer sex practices, and other resources: http://www.sexualhealth.com/channel/view_sub/sexually-transmitted-infections/genital-herpes/ .
Often, the trickiest part about having herpes isn’t dealing with the outbreaks or remembering to have condoms handy, but rather, learning how to talk about it with a partner. This can be especially true if your outbreaks bring up feelings and memories related to the assault.
The good news is that talking about herpes tends to get easier with practice. Also, you don’t have to talk like you’re giving an anatomy lecture whenever you have an outbreak. You might want to explain to your boyfriend that something like, “Honey, let’s wait a couple days and then have an especially hot sex night” is really your way of saying “I have an outbreak, so we need to hold off on genital sex until the sores heal..” Saying it the first way emphasizes the fun stuff ahead.
If you find it’s difficult to talk about the issue, you may want to seek help from your healthcare provider or counselor. They can help you (and your boyfriend) feel more educated, comfortable, and in control.
Best wishes,
Kelly Ace
Editor's note: There are also many other sexual experiences you can engage in with your partner when you are having an outbreak. He can hold you and kiss your breasts while you stimulate yourself. Or, you can have sex in the shower, where you give him oral sex while you are masturbating yourself. Or, you can dance erotically for him and pleasure yourself while he lies back watching you and mastrubates himself to orgasm. The possibilities are endless - just use your imagination and creativity to think of ways to express your sexuality together that don't include genital contact or transmission of genital fluids. Have fun. Patricia Fawver Ph.D., Editor
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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