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Question:
I am a 22 year old woman who contracted genital
herpes in December of 1997. This past July I met a
wonderful guy and we eventually started dating each other.
Early on in the relationship I told him that I had herpes and
he was extremely understanding and appreciative of the
fact that I told him. Our sex life is fun and we always use
condoms. But a couple of months ago I shared my feelings
with him that about missing oral sex. One of the main
reasons that I broke down like I did when I was diagnosed
with herpes is because I knew that I was going to be
missing out in the oral sex department. It just feels so
good. But I really don't know about using dental dams and
all of that stuff because I don't believe that it would feel
the same (i.e., as good). He told me that he really wants
to perform oral sex with me but he's scared (and rightly
so) of contracting herpes. Our discussion prompted me to
look on the web for some information on the transmission
of herpes via oral sex. I found an article that said that it
was highly unlikely (although not impossible) to pass genital
herpes to your partner's mouth. The article was rather
technical but I think that was the gist of it. So, I
mentioned this to him and he was rather skeptical and told
me that I should probably do a little more research. I'm
just not sure where to start. If you could please give me
some feedback or let me know where to look for answers
I'd truly appreciate it.
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Answer:
by Yvonne Fulbright: (05/13/2004)
The article that you came across was correct in saying
that the transmission of herpes via oral sex (from your
vagina to his mouth) is unlikely.
What is likelier would be for a person to transmit oral
herpes from one's mouth (i.e., via a cold sore) to the
partner's genitals. Yet, as the article also stated,
transmission of the genitals to the mouth is not
impossible, especially during a time that you might have an
outbreak, so it is understandable that your partner is
concerned.
For him to have a piece of mind about herpes and for you
to start enjoying cunnilingus again, practicing oral sex
while using protection is the way to go. Honestly, it may
not be exactly the same as when you don't use a
barrier method, but it's better than no oral sex at all. Plus,
many barrier methods allow for the same sensations you
would normally experience anyway.
Your two biggest options with barrier methods are the
dental dam and non-microwavable Saran-Wrap. Both are
thin enough for oral sex to feel good, and dental dams
made of polyurethane allow for excellent heat
transmission and sensation. It wouldn't hurt to try out oral
sex using a barrier method to at least see what it's like!
You might be surprised at how good it can be!
Thank you for visiting the Sexual Health Network.
Yvonne K. FulbrightReviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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