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Question:
I am a healthy 18 year old female. I have masterbated since before I can remember. I once asked my father about that.(Due to my mothers death when I was nine, I couldn't as her.) He told me that both of my parents knew about it, and they, being very sexual themselves, thought it amusing and did not stop me from doing this. (At that age I did not know that it was a "private" thing!) My father, after my mothers death was very open about sex after I had my period when I was 10. I don't remember a time that I did not masterbate. So therefore, to the point. I've been dating a older man.. well a VERY older man, and for that reason I won't say his age. During intercourse, I cannot orgasm, or for that matter, when he stimulates me.(Clit, fingering) When I'm by myself, I can orgasm quite quickly. I'm very heavy, and he's been very understanding in that respect, helping me to lose 50 pounds. (I was 250 when I met him.) I have a history of depression, but not currently on any meds. Once, during intercourse I almost had an orgasm, quite close actually, but then he said something during sex, and I think that this problem has something to do with my self awareness (weight, fat etc). We've discussed this, and he thinks it may be because of my age, and that might be part of it, but might it also have to do with my 15+ years of masterbation/ low self esteem? He's offered to perform oral sex on me a few times early on, but it seems the way he speaks he dosen't like it. I would enjoy it I think, although I've never had it performed on me. I was afraid that I wouldn't, well, taste as I should, because I know it's changed since I began having sex. I've had 1 other partner, very short term, but the same occured. Also I switched birth control from the pill to the Depo-Pervera shot. I know this is a long one, but I had to give you a little background on the problem. I want to please him, and make sure he knows it's nothing to do with him. My sex drive is very high, and I seem to become "hornier" when I don't have an orgasm, so I constantly harrass the poor man for sex. Please help.
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Answer:
by Susan Kellogg-Spadt: ()
You are certainly not alone. An estimated 40-60% of women have orgasms by and with themselves and complain of difficulty having orgasms with their partners. Generally speaking this doesn't have to do with body image and self-esteem,but may have more to do with partners learning about techniques that faciltate each others pleasuring. You didn't mention how you masterbate to orgasm, however, if your partner and you are willing, a helpful activity might be to show him how you acheive orgasm with yourself, and them place his hand on or underneath yours so that he can "read" what you like. Also, many women acheive orgasm through oral stimulation and if you are feeling self conscious about your taste or smell, it might be fun to experiment with oral play after you've both had a bath or shower when you are feeling "clean and desirable". Last, having orgasms during actual intercourse is often difficult due to the way that different couples pelvises fit together. The position that most women find helps with this is the woman on top leaning forward toward her lover's chest during thrusting, so that maximum clitoral stimulation is acheived. Best of luck.Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.
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