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Question:
I have been married for nearly two years, and I cannot seem to have sex with my husband. Besides not being able to fit, I have'nt really got much desire for sex. Sometimes I actually hate it when he touches me. I am still a virgin and have never really had much of a desire for sex. I do, however, get aroused when fantasising. When I was younger I was exposed to my dads pornography magazines and started masterbating. I don't want to do this anymore and don't want to have to fantasize to get aroused.

Answer:
by Melissa BEE: ()
For some women a low libido is a way of life, and it may or may not be a problem for them, and it can be tolerated with a bland acceptance, because they know of no other way to be. From what you have written, your low libido and obvious frustration with the way things are, and the fact you said "I don't want to do this anymore." makes it very clear you are ready for change. There is so much wonderful information about now about the human body and how it works, becoming orgasmic and really enjoying the joy of life your body can give. So you need more than what your local doctor can offer. Sex therapists know all these things, and a part of their role is to help you learn about you and your sexuality and teach you ways of discovery and enjoyment. Some learn by reading - and you've done plenty of reading already. I think you will beneifit better by learning how to do, rather than just how to watch, you want to be be more active, and to FEEL! And so you shall. But you may have to start at the beginning, and it can be very exciting. I see from your extra information you are in Australia, so I suggest the first people you call to try and find a Sex Therapist in your area is Relationships Australia (years ago they were called The Marriage Guidance Council of Aust) But now they deal with all relationships, and many varied issues, so they can help you on those first tentative steps to find a more sexual you. I recommend them highly as a starting point. You can find RSA in any telephone book. Feel free to get back to The Sexual Health Network again if we can help you further. Good Luck, I'd love to hear how you get on. Melissa BEE

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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