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Question:
Iım a wheelchair user and am interested in a nondisabled man. He appears to be attracted to me and weıve dated. He
hasnıt asked questions about my disability, and Iım not sure how to broach the subject. Do you have any suggestions? I really
like this guy.
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Answer:
by Elizabeth McNeff: (05/16/2004)
A disabled person who wants romance with a nondisabled person usually has to take a more active role in making the
relationship a reality. It is imperative for your friend to understand the nature and scope of your disability--your abilities and
limitations--from the beginning. With good communication--open, honest and growth-oriented--you are increasing your
chances of successfully developing a relationship with this man. Once informed, he is more likely to focus on you as a woman
first and an individual with a disability second. Here are a few questions to consider when broaching the subject of your
disability:
= What would you like to know about my disability?
= Are there aspects of my disability that bother you? (If
you want to be brave, ask: What aspects of my disability bother you?)
= Do other peopleıs reactions to my disability concern you? (This may become an issue in public or meeting family members.)
= Do you wonder how I feel about my disability? Then be prepared for The Big One from him: Can you have sex? Iıve been
asked this question in every way, shape and form. Some people just canıt put together the facts that you have a disability
and are also sexual. Once again, openly discussing your sexuality with him--your likes, dislikes, fears and quirks--can open the
door to a healthy relationship.
The bottom line: Be honest, take risks and be positive about your disability. And ask yourself: If I saw myself, would I be
interested?
--Lizzi McNeffReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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