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Question:
Hi I am a 18 yr old female and have been in a serious relationship for quite some time now. We discussed having sex, both being virgins and finally agreed that we were ready. The first time his head of his penis and about 2 centimeters past entered my vagina but then wouldnt go any further like there was a wall blocking him from entering me any further. Finally we gave up and it keeps happening everytime we try having sex. Yes I know technically we have had sex but there is no pleasure, but when he gets to the point where theres the "wall" it just hurts.... We have tried me on top and him on top but still no luck..... Could we be doing it at the wrong angle? is something wrong with my body that is blocking him from entering me any further? Please help I am so frustrated. Thanks for your time.
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Answer:
by Patricia Fawver: (06/15/2005)
Thanks for writing in with your question. I understand that you are trying to have vaginal intercourse for the first time and that you are not able to get his penis fully inside your vagina. The two possibilities that you mention that might be causing this (wrong angle or something blocking) are the two most likely causes of this problem. Lubrication and state of arousal are also other possibilities. But, let's talk about the first two first. Angle of your bodies is very important. It's similar to when you are inserting a tampon - if you have the wrong angle, it just won't go in - no matter how hard you try. Have you been able to use tampons? How was it for you to insert those? How about going to the doctor for your gynecological exam? Was the doctor able to insert the speculum to examine your cervix? How about your own fingers - are you able to insert your finger into your vagina? If the answer to these questions is yes, then it could be a problem of angle, lubrication, or arousal level. Have you considered trying to insert your own finger into your vagina and showing your boyfriend the proper angle that you can accomplish this at?
I am also wondering about the lubrication issue. Are you wet enough for him to penetrate you? This also ties in to the issue of arousal. Vaginal lubrication and arousal usually go hand-in-hand. This is not true for all women, all of the time, in all situations. However, it is a general guideline that if you are ready to be penetrated, you will also probably be well lubricated.
Another question I was wondering about concerns your hymenal tissue. Hymens come in all shapes and sizes. Some women have very little hymenal tissue, while for other women, the vaginal opening is almost completely covered. If you have not ever inserted anything into your vagina (fingers, tampons, etc), or if you have not had your first pelvic exam yet, you may not know the state of your hymen. Get a hand-held mirror, lie down, and look at your vulva (the external genitalia). Look at your vaginal opening and see if you can see any of the hymen blocking the entrance to your vagina.
Another possibility is a condition called vaginismus. This is where the vaginal muscles involuntarily tighten up and clamp down. There are treatment exercises for this condition that can greatly help. You can find them online, in books, or with the help of a Clinical Sexologist or sex therapist.
I would suggest that you try the other things I mentioned first and see what you can discover. It could be that you can resolve this on your own. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest you see your doctor for a pelvic exam. Take care and write back if you have any further questions. Thanks, Patty Fawver Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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