Fingering can feel very good but in order for it to feel good you have to let him know how hard and where to actually do it. I know lots of people who find that it hurts, and all they need to do is to do it more gently and not push in so hard. The reason you had bleeding is probably because he pushed against your skin (vaginal walls) too hard and it rubbed one of the tiny blood vessels open. He may even have fingernails that are too long and that scratched you inside when he was fingering.

It is actually really good that your are learning to arouse each other without any intercourse because it gives you an opportunity to teach one another how to do it so that it feels good for you. Even if a person has more sexual experience and has fingered someone else, doesn't mean that that is the way to do it. Each of us is different. We have different feelings on all parts of our bodies, and it is important that we learn what feels good for us, and to share that with a partner.

Once you get ready to add intercourse to the many arousal behaviors that you both enjoy, then you can also work together so it feels very pleasurable to you both. Couples each have to learn together, and no two couples will have the same arousal needs or sexual behaviors. That is why when you and a partner break up, it is necessary to start all over and not to assume that the next person likes the same kind of touching, romance, movies or anything else that we might individually have preferences on.

Thanks for writing and if you have more questions please feel free to ask them.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team