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Question:
I'm able-bodied and considering getting into a relationship with a woman who has cerebral palsy. What do I need to know about having sex with someone who has CP?
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Answer:
by Russell Shuttleworth: (05/13/2004)
: First of all, people with cerebral palsy have
the same sexual and emotional desires and physiological responses as non-disabled people. Of course, depending on severity, spasticity and age, you need to be aware and sensitive to your partner. Some sexual positions may not be possible. You should communicate with your partner about what she feels is possible given her bodily limitations. She is the expert on her body. Experimenting with different positions that she feels comfortable trying can be very sexually stimulating. In terms of spasticity, generally this lessens as your partner becomes more at ease with your sexual life together. In a study on the sexual narratives of men with cp. that I am currently finishing--several of these men were concerned about spasticity when they were younger and their sexual experience was not much, but they got older they stopped stressing out over this and just viewed it as part of themselves. They would generally just inform their partner about the fact that they may have spasticity during sex and then got on with it. In terms of age, you should be aware that the effects of aging are noticeable at a slightly younger age for people with cp. That means stiffness begins to set-in a little earlier.
Sexual positions that may have been possible in your partner's 20's may not be possible as she ages. Of course, as in the general population, regular exercise can to some extent alleviate the effects of aging. I would encourage you to talk to your future wife about these issues and sexuality in general. Lack of communication around sexual issues results in many failed relationships in our society. The fact of your partner's disability adds an extra dimension to your relationship. However, if you and your partner are open with each other in talking about the issues, there should be no problem. In fact, some of the men I have talked to for the study say that their disability actually is a positive force in their sexual relationships. Meaning that since some positions and sexual practices are difficult because of bodily limitations, they must creatively search for alternative positions and practices. In short, they have entered the realm of "creative sexuality."
I hope I have addressed some of your concerns. If you have further questions please don't hesitate to ask. Take care,
Russell Shuttleworth
The Sexual Health Network
Reviewed by: Kathleen Scarbo (VanKirk) DHS
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