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Question:
hello there !!
i just joined this site and i think that its a greate place to aquire some knowledge about stuff. my name is E. and im 19 The problem that i am facing is: i am together with this beautiful girl for 2 weeks and we had intercours 3 times (or we tryed) the first time i came pretty quick, the second time i started having this problem that i feel ashamed off; i cannot keep a hard one for a very long time, we use condoms and imediatly after we change positions i feel like my penis is going down on me which is really strange, she is the first person that i had sex with, which i heared from friends that might be the problem, she is a very understandable person, but i feel guilty towards her because i cannot keep it up. for example we are performing missionary and when we change to her on top...i can manage to keep it up for like 30-40 seconds more than it slowly starts to "fade" I dont masturbate at all...usualy once a week because of my tight student schedule, which makes me think that i should be atracted more to her...which would lead to a continuos erection, but NO. one time we had sex for a period of 40-45 min and it died on me like 2 times which is very embaresing. To put a top to my problem i made my partner feel bad about herselfel she thinks she is not attractive enough for me....i dont have problems ejaculating or with premature ejaculation or so, i can masturbate fine oral sex and hand sex are fine to but the only thing is the real intercourse....please help me here this is something that i think i should not experience at my age....one more thing (i smoke, could it be that) thank you very much
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (03/07/2005)
Thank you for taking the time to write in with both your kind words and your concern. Let me first say that you have nothing to feel worthless or ashamed about. It's quite common for young men to experience problems holding their erections when they first become sexually active. Your life is far from over. My guess is that you're trying too hard. The more you worry about keeping your erection, the more difficult it will be to keep it. We call that "performance anxiety" and it is common among men. One of the main things I try to teach men is that we are much more than just a penis. You might have more success - and more fun - if you made intercourse a part of your sex play, not the only thing. Help her achieve orgasms orally, with your fingers, and all other ways. Once you begin intercourse, there's no rule saying you have to stay there until you finish. When you switch positions, do something else while you take a few minutes to regain your erection. The important thing is to have fun and share in the pleasures you both experience. Sex has a natural ebb and flow to it. Letting sexual tension build and then recede is also a good way to intensify both of your orgasms. PLease also know that with prolonged stimulation, it is common for a man to lose his erection. It just means that the body itself is more focused on sensation rather than ejaculation. As you become more comfortable sexually and learn how to create your own expectations, I believe you'll find that you will be able to learn better erectile control. Nobody starts off on a new path as an expert...
I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to be involved in the website. Take care and be well.
Larry Siegel Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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