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Question:
im 16 year old girl and have been in a relationship with my bf for several months. we are both new to certain sexual exploits. i gave him head for the first time a couple days ago and he said that it was awesome. now heres the thing...i am now thinking that i may be moving a little too fast. im a good girl and this behavior isnt like me at all. i got started thinking about this when by bf best friend talked to me online about how i shouldnt feel pressured to preform with my bf because hes just as inexperienced as me. (btw my apparently my bf tells all his friends about our sexual exploits like me giving him head) i just dont know what the norm is. PLEASE help.
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Answer:
by Raven James: (06/05/2005)
Well, norms are a funny thing. What may be normal for one person may not be normal for another person, especially when it comes to sex. What I do know is that is is very normal to wonder about what normal is. So, let me give you some information that may help you decide for yourself what YOU are comfortable with...
There are many scripts that are placed on women and men in our society, and some of them can cause fear and anxiety. Depending on a person's background and upbringing, they hear many different messages about what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a man. Some common messages that men hear growing up are that having sex makes you a man, that men should be experienced, that being sexual with many women makes a man "macho" etc. This can lead boys to feel pressured to be sexual before they are emotionaly ready.
For women, we are told that good girls don't, that the man is supposed to know what to do, that we are supposed to please the man, that we should wait until we are "married", and that bad girls don't wait. These types of beliefs can be harmful to us when we don't follow them. Girls can end up feeling ashamed of their behavior, bad about themselves as women, and feel like they are "used" goods. You may end up feeling like you let someone down, but don't forget to ask yourself if you let yourself down or not. It is ok to feel good about sex, especially when there is mutual respect.
It is quite normal to be curious about sex, and to experiment with different sexual behaviors and to be fearful of consequences. One of the things that is hard about being a teenager is that there is a lot of pressure to "fit-in" with different crowds. Depending on who your friends are and what your needs are will dictate who you end up hanging out with. Just because other people are doing something, does not mean that you have to, especially if you aren't sure about it, or it makes you uncomfortable. I would be concerned about someone that I had shared something intimate with if they were telling all their friends about it. Once people start talking, we have no control over what they may say, and some of those things may hurt. That is how rumors start and teens can be very cruel to each other. It is common for boys to "brag" to their friends so that they can "fit-in" as well. You have to decide for yourself if that is how you want to be treated by sharing something special with another person. If you aren't sure, it doesn't hurt to wait. You can always tell your boyfriend that things are moving too fast and to slow things down and set a new pace. You can decide for yourself what you want YOUR norm to be...Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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