I definitely understand what you're experiencing and see how it's made worse by your boyfriend's remarks. The fact that you experience orgasms orally tells me that it's not a physical problem. I think it has more to do with your past relationships. Often, when a woman has a history of "bad" relationships, as well as being in a relationship where they don't feel safe (physically or emotionally), sexual arousal related to intercourse can be difficult. There's often fear and anxiety the gets in the way. For many people, oral sex is less intimate and considered safer so it may not be a problem. Try an talk with your boyfriend about things he can do and say that will be more supportive and comforting to you. If you're unable to feel comfortable opening yourself up to him, this might remain a problem for you.

In addition, I would also recommend that you focus on those activities you are comnfortable with; like oral sex and possible self-pleasuring. The more you include these into your regular sexual activity, taking away some of the pressure to have intercourse, the more comfortable you may come to feel. When you do have intercourse, try using some type of lubricant so that it won't hurt you. Also, help and direct your boyfriend to go more slowly if that will help. Sometimes using different positions (ie, you on top) can give you more control during intercourse.

Lastly, if there is a professional counselor or sex therapist you can talk to, it might help relieve some of the fear and anxiety you may be having about relationships and intercourse.

I hope this was of some help to you. I wish you well. Take care. Peace

Larry Siegel, MA, CST, AASECT

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team