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Question:
I have a new girl friend and she has exposed me to some new things sexually.
She enjoys
1) light erotic spanking (me spanking her)
2) Analingus by way of me doing it to her with my tongue and my fingers
3) Anal Sex with her as the recipient
4) Fellatio she always wants me to ejaculate in her face
Can you tell me the psychological reasons for this sexual behavior
I'm not judging (as I find them somewhat enjoyable) I just want to understand why she and I find these things pleasurable
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Answer:
by Raven James: (01/25/2006)
It would be difficult to analyze your girlfriends sexual preferences without knowing an in-depth psycho-social and sexual history, but I can say that every person has different likes and dislikes in just about everything there is, especially with regard to sexual behaviors. People express their sexuality in many ways, ways that have meaning to them and their partners.
Spanking during or before sex, can physically arouse either partner, as the striking of the flesh increases blood flow to the genital area. In some cases, spanking can be linked to sexual masochism, where the act of obtaining sexual arousal happens through receiving physical or psychological pain. Some clinical case studies linked people who engage in sadomasochism to early sexual experiences that connect sex and pain, for example, a child who was spanked after being caught masturbating might result in a child or adolescent associating sex with pain. Or, a child may experience pleasure when being punished, for example, getting an erection, or vaginal lubrication when one's pants are pulled down and a spanking gets administered. Spanking is a common S&M activity. It is also quite common among hetersexual couples. Many people who engage in spanking do not rely on the activity to achieve sexual arousal or orgasm. Some folks find that the departure from more traditional sexual activities make it enticing and exciting.
Anal stimulation is another form of sexual pleasuring and it is also common among heterosexual couples, male or female. However, some important health risks are associated with anal sex. Rimming or analingus(mouth/tongue to anus) can be an easy way to transmit bacteria, hepatitis or other STI's, so it would be wise to use a dental dam (thin latex barrier) or a sheet of saran wrap over the anus to protect yourself from risk of infection. Also, if you have anal intercourse, do not insert the penis into the vagina afterward without cleaning it first, as bacteria that gets in the vagina from the anus can also cause urinary tract or other vaginal infections as well. One suggestion would be to have vaginal intercourse first, or use a condom for anal intercourse (if that behavior is first) then take off (or change) the condom for vaginal intercourse. This is assuming that you both know each other's HIV and STI status and have both tested negative, otherwise there is high risk for transmission of these infections through unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. The tissues of the anus are quite thin and can tear easily, exposing her to infection from your fluids, or you from infection through her blood.
Other reasons for some of the sexual behaviors could include fantasy. Many pornographic films depict the man ejaculating on the woman's face and if your girlfriend has watched this type of video, or been with a partner who did, it may just be the playing our of a role, or a fantasy that was a sexual turn-on. Have you asked her about why she likes these behaviors? I find that communication is the best policy when it comes to relationships. It is a great way to learn about one another, develop trust and try new things. My main concerns are that folks are comfortable with what they are doing with one another and safe in their behaviors. I hope my answer provided some food for thought. Enjoy yourselves!Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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