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Question:
My pre-teen grandson has started masteurbating. He does this in the living room covered in a blanket. I am looking for a way to talk to him about it without embarrassing him. I want him to know that it is okay and natural but he needs to go to his bedroom. Can you help me? I feel he will be embarrassed with it coming from me. Thank you.
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
What a great question and I am so glad you asked. Actually, your pre-teen grandson may not be embarrassed at all if you approach him without embarrassment. I know this will be harder for you than for him probably. Younger children just don't have the same negative messages or life experience to create the strong emotional reaction that adults get.
Opening up the conversation with him will help him open up with you on other things. You have several options on this. Pick one that seems to fit you and your life with him the best.
I am presuming that you have seen him masturbating under the blanket so that you may have another opportunity to say something when you see him again. If that is the case, you can say something very nice, yet humorous to him. Make it light, casual and without concern. Say something like, "I see you have that blanket out again. I know it is fun to hide under there but it probably would be better if you didn't 'do that' (or touch yourself) where someone can walk in and destroy your privacy. Most of us do it in our bedrooms or some place where no one else is going to disturb us."
Notice that it is normalizing the behavior that everyone else might be doing - and that there are places to do it where we won't be disturbed!
You can also have the same conversation with him when you are on a walk, or driving in a car, or sharing a cookie in the kitchen. You might say the same I suggested above but start it differently, like "you know when you lay in the living room and cover yourself with the blanket? Well, it is fun to touch your self for pleasure and it is fine to do but you might want to do it....." and finish.
Hopefully these suggestions will help you approach him, and he will be forever appreciative. He won't know that people do it in the privacy of their bedrooms because if they are doing it in private he can't see it. It is up to us as adults to help children - pick their nose in private and also masturbate in private!Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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