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Question:
I am a sexual abuse and ritual abuse survivor. I have a severe mental obsession with sex, including Sado-Masochistic fantasies. I have, however, a severe repusion and avoidance of any kind of intimacy with men (I am not homosexual, so this means, I avoid sex with all the strength I can muster). I am so in need of sexual contact, and have severe mental desire- not to mention the body wanting it, but I cannot even get too friendly with a man, because of fear. Is this normal for my past, and how do I overcome it. Is is OK to see a specialized therapist to deal with the sex obsession and repulsion, if I am seeing a trauma recovery therapist too? Am I in need? Does this sound bad? I want a baby too, something awful. I just need to be touched and loved intimately, but avoid it completely. What is wrong with me? I am a mess. Masturbation doesn't even arouse me anymore. I am soooooo needy. HELP! AM I A SCREW UP? A DISASTER? A MONSTER? A MISTAKE?
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Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: (05/20/2004)
Sexual abuse of any kind can seriously harm a person’s sexuality. It’s not unusual for severe and repetitive trauma, as is often experienced in ritual abuse, to result in more extreme sexual problems later on in life. Continuing sexual fears, unwanted fantasies, and obsessions are understandable reactions for a survivor to have who has experienced multiple forms of sadistic sexual trauma. Your yearnings for healthy, loving intimacy are natural and normal. Honor and appreciate them. Though it may take a while, recovery is still possible. Talk with your recovery therapist and together evaluate whether it would be a good idea for you to address sexual concerns at this point in your healing. I often recommend that survivors undertake general healing from sexual abuse before tackling sexual concerns. Sexual healing is best when it’s built on a foundation of good self-esteem and self-care. For help understanding and healing your disturbing sexual fantasies, you (along with your therapist) may want to refer to the chapter on “Healing and Changing Unwanted Sexual Fantasies” in my book, Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women’s Sexual Fantasies which was just released by New World Library and should be in book stores by mid-February 2001. Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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