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Question:
I am a Life Skills Facilitator for an organization that provides attendent services for adults with physical disabilities. Every Tuesday evening we have a group of these adults who come out to discuss issues relating to relationships and friendships. We are covering topics such as communication techniques, socializing, grief and loss, and intimacy. My concerns are in the area of intimacy for the disabled person. I am looking for some suggestions as to how to facilitate a group discussion regarding sexual and intimate issues that these individuals are facing. Most of the participants want to have a relationship, whether it be a sexual one or not, that is an intimate one. Unfortunately, lack of experience and exposure, and/or abuse has left them with inadequate understanding of what is needed to get it. I am trying to help them understand the basic principles involved in developing these relationships and maintaining them. We have spent a significant amount of time outlining who our friends are, and what role each of them play. For example, a staff person, although providing very personal care, is not an intimate partner. Or, a minister, who may provide strong emotional support is not someone with whom we have an initmate relationship with. I hope this gives you an idea of what I am after, I sometimes wonder if I know what I am after. Please help me by giving me some direction. I will be addressing self-esteem issues at our next session. I am a bit lost in the arena of "how to persue and develop an inmtimate relationship". I thank you in advance for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Caroline Orr
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Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: (06/04/2004)
Sounds like you're already headed in a positive direction. Establishing who to pursue as an intimate partner is definitely important. You might explore definitions of intimacy and different kinds of love. Intimate sexual love involves the expression of caring and pleasure through physical contact in a committed romantic relationship. A fun exercise is to have people list on cards about 20 different types of touch that could go on in an intimate relationship from becoming friends to hand holding to intercourse (or genital pleasuring). Then have the group line up the cards according to what activity should go first and proceed the next. Discuss choices. For help with teaching about healthy sex, feel free to use the comparison charts on "healthy sex" vs "abusive or addictive sex" that I provide on my www.healthysex.com website. In addition, the article on "The Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction" (also on my website) could be a starting point for discussion. Good luck! That's important work!!Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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