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Question:
I am 27 years old woman and have been seeing a man of 23 years old. I have noticed that he takes a very long time to ejaculate (1 to 1½ hours), and last time we had intercourse which was our third time together he couldn't even ejaculate. This is very frustrating for me, have asked him about this and he says its not me that he has always been like that, even with other partners I don't know if he's just saying that not to hurt my feeling or what. He says he has had other sexual partners but has never had a proper girlfriend. I believe psychological factors can attribute to this, feelings of regressed anger, could it be me? What can I say to him so that I don't offend him about this, so that he can try and fix the problem as it is making me feel really bad like it's something I might have done? Please help me.
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Answer:
by Rajendra Sathe: ()
Well, your partner seems to have delayed or absent ejaculation/orgasm. This is an uncommon problem and occurs in less than 5% of men. Although it is frustrating for you, don't let it bother you because you are presumably NOT the cause of his difficulty. It's highly improbable that anything you could have said or done is the basis for his delayed/absent ejaculation. Psychological factors are known to cause this but there are a number of reasons why this can occur.
Medically this condition is associated with heavy alcohol or cocaine use, narcotic addiction, and use of other drugs/medications to treat sleeplessness and depression (Prozac). This can also happen if he has masturbated just before having sex and some men are known to do that to last 'longer'.
It would be unwise for you to confront him on these issues but you could say that prolonged sex causes pain and tenderness of your genitals (and that is possibly true though you have not mentioned it). Discuss this with him and if he cares for you, there should be no difficulty for both of you to see a sex therapist and make it a point to discuss the above-mentioned matters with him/her.
You could tell him about the soreness or bruising in your vagina and ask him to concentrate harder whilst having sex so that he can climax earlier. Besides try to arouse him by movements, sounds and other means so that he gets more excited. However if this does not help, do not blame yourself for his difficulty.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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