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Question:
My husband and I have been together sexually for about 13-14 years. We have never had any problems at all, and try new things all the time. I was quite sick for a while, and he wasn't getting sex as often as I would've liked to give it to him. Now that I have better pain meds, it seems he cannot reach orgasm. He will also have trouble sometimes keeping it erect, but mostly I am concerned with the fact that he isn't reaching orgasm when we have sex anymore, he used to all the time. Now, it is more times than not that he doesn't at all. I don't know if it's me, I look great, I don't think I have changed anything..what could be happening here? I want to get to the bottom of it before it gets "larger than life".

Answer:
by Robert Birch:
()
There seem to be several things going on. First, he is getting older, and as a man ages there will be times when he cannot ejaculate. This does not need to be frustrating to the woman, as typically when this happens the man does not feel unfinished. He might worry about it in his head, but his body is not concerned! Another thing might be that he might have conditioned himself to the stimulation of masturbation while you were sick. If he abstains from masturbation he should eventually be able to ejaculate with intercourse. If he is taking any medication (even over-the-counter meds) he should inquire about sexual side effects. Finally, it might be frequency. Men have what is called the "refractory period," which is the time it takes for them to be able to ejaculate again. They can get erections during the refractory period, but cannot orgasm. This is related to the aging factor. As a man gets older, his refractory period lengthens. Best advice... don't worry about it. Have fun and enjoy each other... that's what sex should be about now, given that you are no longer trying to make babies.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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