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Question:
I have been married for 7 years to a beautiful woman. She is all my desires and thoughts. Our sex life is good as long as I do things only she likes and wants. My biggest problem is that I fantasize about her with other men. I want her to talk about it with me and play along. Some times I would actually want her to do it, preferably oral, with someone else. As I said, all of my fantasizes surround her. She does not think it is right to even talk about it yet alone try and do it. Should I just stop thinking about it. She has said that she wants me to get help so I will not think about it and in the same breath she will possibly get help if she hears that I am not wrong to think it. Am I out of line by asking this?
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Answer:
by Joy Davidson: (05/19/2004)
Sharing fantasies can be a wonderful, expressive, exciting aspect of a relationship. However, for either partner to feel free enough to talk about the movies they play in their mind, they also need to feel safe ... that is, feel that there is no direct, intimidating pressure from their partner to fulfill fantasies that are distasteful.
You and your partner need to get some counseling ... probably very brief ... to learn better skills for sharing your sexual feelings. Since she has agreed to attend with you, I suggest you take her up on that offer. Keep in mind that while there is NOTHING wrong with your fantasy, if acting it out is wrong for HER, than it is counterproductive for you to badger her with the request. Surely you have other fantasies that she might be more inclined to explore with you?
Sincerely,
Dr. Joy DavidsonReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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