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Question:
My boyfriend and I have a close, intimate relationship. He is easily aroused and wants to have sex several times a day when we are together. Though he stays erect for long periods of time during our love-making, and it is obvious he is enjoying it immensely, he rarely orgasms. ex.: If we have 2-3 "sessions" in a day, he might come once that day. Some days not at all. It is frustrating for both of us, though he assures me the "journey" is more important than the destination, I want him to experience orgasm as I do (I am multi-orgasmic). Is this more likely a psychological issue or a physical one? We are at the do-we-commit stage now ...The relationship is very intense and he is at the point where he is deciding whether or not he is ready to make a commitment. I am ready, but am not pushing him. I fear this might be the problem. We discuss it openly and have good communication.
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/15/2004)
First of all, I would hope that your friend is not basing his decision regarding commitment just on how things are going in bed. Call me old fashioned, but I believe commitment is a matter of the heart, not the genitals.
Second, believe him when he says he is enjoying himself (and you) sexually, even though he is not ejaculating every time. Most men are not multiply orgasmic... it's one of the advantages women have, and is rare among men.
Enjoy yourself to your fullest, and trust that your partner is enjoying himself... one orgasm is usually quite satisfying to a man, but he will vicariously enjoy all of yours. If he feels he is being graded on his number of orgasms, he will begin to worry about his performance and this could get in the way of him relaxing with you... if intense, could even get in the way of him becoming erect.
So, enjoy the sensual process with him. Celebrate the intimate time together, and have fun. His "problem" is not a problem unless you choose to make it one. It is more about his biology than his psychology.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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