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Question:
I am a 25-year-old woman in a monogamous relationship with a man of the same age. We are not sexually active, but plan to be so soon. We have both had on average 3 sexual partners before. This current partner has a sexual problem I have not been able to find any information on. He says that while he has no problem with ejaculation or erection, he believes that he has never had an orgasm, and that he has never felt pleasure (other than arousal) in sex: including oral sex or masturbation. He even says that he has some physical pain during penetration. He is circumcised and worries that this loss of foreskin could be related to his "numbness" or pain. This issue causes him a great deal of mental anguish as he says sex has always been a great disappointment. We are both willing to do research, learn what can be done, and even attend physical examinations regarding this issue. He is convinced that men's health is not dealt with properly in this country and feels that perhaps there is nothing that can be done. Please tell me: as his partner, what can I do, other than just be supportive? -is there a term for this condition? -might he be homosexual? he says he is not attracted to men... -where should I begin my/our research on treatment?
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Answer:
by Rajendra Sathe: ()
Thanks for asking a very interesting question.
Pleasure of orgasm occurs in between the ears and pleasure of ejaculation occurs between the legs! Loss of foreskin due to circumcision seems to have emotionally affected your partner and it's this anxiety that is probably responsible for him not experiencing orgasmic pleasure.
You have not indicated if he is able to experience orgasmic pleasure during masturbation. Many men are less stressed up and are able to experience more pleasure during masturbation. Masturbating alone reduces the pressure to perform and is good learning tool to discover the erogenous and pleasure zones of the body.
There isn't a term for this condition but it could be called anorgasmic ejaculation. If he has no sexual feelings for men, there is little chance of him being a homosexual. Your support and encouragement would be very important for him to get over his anxiety. So far, there is no evidence that indicates inability to experience orgasmic pleasure is caused due to circumcision.
To do more research on the topic, read the books 'The New Male Sexuality' by Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld & 'The Sexual Male. Problems and Solutions' by Milsten and Slowinski. They cover a lot of general topics and are worthwhile reading for men and women.
You can seek the advice from an AASECT certified sex therapist if he is too bothered about the problem and continues to feel that circumcision surgery caused this problem.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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