This is the first time I have heard of this particular sexual fantasy, but it does not strike me as any more unusual than others I have heard of. It seems there are a few different questions you are asking, and I will try to answer them one at a time.

First, you ask if your desire is of a homosexual nature. I would suggest that it is not the presence of a naked man in and of itself that is appealing to you. If that were the case, I might (hesitantly) classify it as homosexual. However, it seems that it is the situation that is appealing to you, rather than the individuals involved. I imagine that in some way, you may be turned on my imagining yourself in the man's place, rather than as the man's partner.

Second, you ask whether this is part of your desire to submit to a dominating woman. I would ask you to consider the following questions. Does the idea of being with a dominant woman appeal to you? Do you have other fantasies of a submissive nature? Many men are aroused by the feelings of humiliation that may accompany such situations as the one you describe, in addition to forced cross-dressing and other such scenes.

This is one aspect of an interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline/dominance and submission/sadism and masochism), but it is certainly not the only one. It may be that parts of BDSM appeal to you (such as humiliation), but other parts do not (such as pain). All of that is perfectly common in the BDSM subculture, and there is nothing wrong with those interests, provided they are safe, sane, and consensual.

Finally, you are obviously experiencing a lot of guilt over your fantasies and your masturbation. There are a few ways you can deal with this. You can try to change the behaviors (e.g., stop fantasizing, stop masturbating, seek out therapy, etc.), or you can try to become comfortable with the behaviors. It is hard for me to tell you which you should do, but here are a few things to consider:

First, a compulsion, sexual or otherwise, is generally only harmful when it begins to interfere with an individual's life. We often use the word compulsion casually, but in psychology it has a fairly strict definition. If you think you have a genuine compulsion that is harming yourself, your relationship, or others, you may wish to speak to a therapist about it.

Second, there is nothing wrong with masturbating, even daily. You may have other concerns, such as whether you are somehow "cheating" on your wife, but you did not indicate those. If that is the case, you could work on opening up the communication with her and attempting to discuss these issues. Also, you seem to feel bad about using pornography. Opinions certainly differ on the harm that pornography causes, and you need to decide for yourself why you might think pornography is wrong (or why it is not). Is it because you think it exploits the people involved? Is it because you worry that it may not have been made consensually? Once you get to the basis of your worries, it can help you sort out where you stand on the issue.

Good luck!

Blaise

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team