Answer: by Larry Siegel: (05/27/2004)
Hi and thanks for taking the time to write in. I understand your problem and how it might be causing you concern. First thing you might want to consider is having a doctor give you a complete physical, just to make sure there's nothing going on there (including any medications you may be taking). You may want to have an exam specifically by a urologist, since you say you have a problem with losing feeling in the shaft of your penis.
You say that your rapid ejaculation (a term that's preferred over "premature ejaculation") has always been a problem for you. In my experience, most cases of rapid ejaculation are rooted in anxiety, lack of information about one's body, and lack of awareness of one's body sensations. The 2 main techniques sex therapists use to treat this are 1) the squeeze technique and 2) start-stop method. The squeeze technique may not be as effective for you so I will describe the start-stop method for you, hopefully in a way you can use:
To begin, relax. Find a time and place where you can pleasure yourself at a leisurely pace. Then, work on this exercise, called nongenital play. For several minutes, just touch and caress yourself in places other than your penis. caress your testicles, your thighhs, around your belly, and all the areas around your penis. Focus on just feeling good from these touches themselves, without worrying about ejaculating.
After you become comfortable with this type of pleasuring, take your penis in hand and begin stroking, but just focus on the head and very base of your penis. Your task is to focus only on your own sexual sensations. Take things slowly until you become aware of how you progress toward orgasm. Allow your self tocome as close to orgasm as you can get without losing control--just before the "point of no return." Then stop for 10 to 20 seconds, until the urgency subsides a bit. Repeat the exercise until you can control the orgasm three or four times.
You might want to try the exercise I described first wearing a condom and then, after you get used to that, without a condom. That will give you more sensitivity and help you learn even more control.
Unfortunately, there's no "quick fix" for rapid ejaculation. It takes time, patience, and practice. Anxiety or worrying about it will only make it worse.
The last thing I will mention is talking to your doctor about some anti-depressants. Many antidepressants have side effects that include inhibiting ejaculation ejaculating. Of course, I would definitely recommend finding a qualified sex therapist in your area to talk to and work with directly.
I hope this was of some help to you. I am also attaching a link to a website that explains several different masturbation techniques; it miight be helpful... Good luck and take care.
Larry SiegelReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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