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Question:
Well, it all started a couple of years ago.My husband and i sarted daing 12/17/00 and we pretty much had sex regularly but when he got his own apartment ,is when it all started.it is now 5 years later and for the last 4 years he never wants to have sex and when he finally does he can't cum.he has had this problem for about that last 4 years.he would watch porn and look at magazines but i put a stop to that i took it all away. he has given me so many different reasons why this is happening but then i would find out that it wasn't true.so after 3 years of hearing me cry ,bitch and complian about it he went to our family docter and he took a bunch of tests ,come to find out when he got the results he has thyroid problem,so the docter said that ,that was his problem was that we just have to be patient and let the thyriod pills kick in then he should be set to go.so we waited a couple of months and still nothing changed so back to the docter we go ,and he sends us to the urologist ,so the urologist takes a bunch of tests , such as checking his sperm count,checking his sex drive and the results come back and the docter says he is fine ,you would think i would be happy but it's totally oppisite.I'm happy to the extent that his test results came back negative but, I don't quit understand whats wrong with our relationship and why we can't make love as often as we did? But, also when we do have sex why can't he cum? I want children more than anything in the world and so does he and also a sex life. After we get the results the doctor tells us to go to a sex therapist and were trying to work things out.He told me before that when he masterbates he doesn't have this problem. Do you any input or advice on our situation and what could be wrong?
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Answer:
by Brian Zamboni: (01/18/2006)
This sounds like a complicated situation. Based on the description, it sounds like there may be several relationship issues to address. Your male partner appears to have delayed ejaculation during vaginal sex, but not during masturbation. This problem is also known as delayed ejaculation or male orgasmic disorder. Because this problem has not occurred all of his life and does not currently occur in all sexual situations, the problem would be termed male orgasmic disorder, acquired, situational. This is good news because he is more likely to be able to regain full sexual functioning again.
Medications, such as antidepressants, can cause men (and women) to have a delayed ejaculation. It is not clear if this is a factor in your situation. The best available research on this topic suggest that the sexual issue cannot be treated in isolation; in other words, the other problems in this man's life need to be addressed in conjunction with the sexual issue.
For example, is he depressed, angry, anxious, or experiencing stress? What are his relationship concerns, if any? Does he feel out of control? What does he need to feel that sexual activity can be fun, playful, safe, and enjoyable? (He may not be sufficiently aroused in a psychological or mental sense--having an erection does not mean he is interested in or ready for sex.) These are some of the question he would need to address in therapy to resolve this issue. He is likely to get the best results by doing individual therapy with an experienced sex therapist, followed by some couples therapy. If he is interested and motivated in working on these issues, he can make great progress.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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