Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (05/28/2004)
Thanks for asking this question. I want to compliment you also, for talking to your partner about this situation. This is a time when communication is very important.
First, you need to make sure that your partner understands that the ability to get a hard erection does not indicate attraction all the time. There are so many other reasons a person has a hard erection or loses one that if a person relies on that as the symbol of high attractiveness, we all may be in trouble!
There are lots of reasons why you may not have as hard of an erection. One reason that comes to mind is after the one or two times in a row that you noticed you didn't have one, you then began to worry about it. The more a person worries the more likely it is to continue. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy created by the mind.
Even though you are a healthy, physically fit man in your 20's it doesn't mean that you can expect to always have a hard erection. Especially as you grow older, the stimulation needed for an extended hard erection will need to increase. It is unrealistic to expect it to always be present. As we age, the hormone changes that our body experiences can certainly impact slightly our reactions as well.
It is also very possible that your diet can be a contributing factor. Having a high fat and cholesterol diet impacts the blood vessels that flow through the penis as well as those around the heart. You know from all the ads what happens when men experience poor diet, and the blood vessels all over the body become impacted.
I also recommend that you find ways to enrich your fantasy as well as your physical stimulation during sexual encounters. Our bodies get accustomed to the same type of stimuli and don't always respond as they did in our younger days, when all the feelings were new.
Remember also, what I said earlier. Your worry about the lack of erection is only going to increase this phenomena. If you only count on that one behavior for your pleasure (for you or your partner) then there is too much pressure. You need to continue to find those other ways to stimulate your partner, and find other ways to let her know that you find her attractive as well. That erect penis is not the best way.
Thanks again for writing.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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