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Question:
Ok I have a few problems and I saw your websight and was hoping you might be able to help. First of all I'm a 20 year old female and my boyfriend of the past 7 months is 19. A few weeks ago when i was visiting him from college we talked about having sex. I mean I love him and I think we're finally ready to go beyond oral and try vaginal intercourse. Ok well last night we decided to take this step after practicing safety prior and all of that. Well first of all we had the problem of him going from limp to errect and back and forth is this normal? Second we used a condom but my biggest fear is pregnany, can you use both condoms and the pill, or will they counter balance one another...And another thing why is it that I can never cum, I have tried masturbating, and even oral from guys, and intercourse never gets me off any suugestions? If you could help I'd greatly appreciate it.
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
You have several excellent questions, so I will try to answer one at a time. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you but the holiday has really put me behind schedule!
First, you need to be congratulated on being responsible and practicing safety during sex play. Exchanging fluids can exchange disease and of course pregnancy is always a possibility when those fluids are put into your vagina.
Next, it is normal to have the penis go back and forth from being limp to hard to limp to hard, etc. There are so many reasons why a male may not keep a hard erection including: the changes in physical feeling when putting a condom on, the stress of wanting to please a partner and not getting too excited, and ejaculating too fast to name a few. (There are many more!)
Using both the condom and the Pill is the BEST way to prevent pregnancy. They don't negatively counter balance each other at all. Instead they support each other. The Pill prevents the ovulation of an egg from the ovary and the condom prevents any sperm from reaching the egg in case one should possibly come out (which isn't likely but it can happen sometimes). Condoms also prevent the spreading of infection or disease between partners so you are adding extra protection which in today's world is very important. Since you are both older, you may have encountered a sexually transmitted disease from other partners and wouldn't even know it. This adds to your protection and gives you back up for pregnancy prevention.
As for having an orgasm, it may take some practice for women to have them. Part of the problem is that you may need to figure out what really feels very exciting to you. Some women do this by masturbating and through this feeling figure out what parts of your body can be touched in what ways. It often isn't good enough to just have intercourse where a penis is put into a vagina. That doesn't usually create enough touch in the places that a woman's body needs it.
I can't tell you where that is because it is different on every woman, but you can experiment, and tell a partner what you like or what feels good. Often it is stimulation of the clitoris in different ways from different positions. Sometimes women like to be on top of the partner and control the angles of the touching, or she may like the partner to be behind, where the hands are free to continue the stimulation of the clitoris.
AS you can tell from this there are lots of possibilities and you will need to continue experimenting until you figure out what really feels great!~
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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