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Question:
My wife is always wanting to make love. How can I increase my libido to match hers? I want to make her happy. We are also trying to have a baby. I can achieve an erection but sometimes I lose it right in the middle of intercourse. How can I correct this?
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/15/2004)
If you are in good health, exercise moderately, get lots of sleep, are a nonsmoker and do not abuse drugs or alcohol, there is probably not much you can do physically. If you still find your wife physically attractive and still feel emotionally bonded to her, there is probably nothing else you can do emotionally. If the foreplay is good and your wife helps you become aroused, there may not be much that can be added sexually.
The truth is, some people just naturally have a stronger sexual drive than others! If you are in good health, love your wife and find her attractive and have wonderful foreplay in which she stimulates you, you may be at your limit! The one area in which you can make a difference is the issue of anxiety. If you worry about your performance and if you cannot relax because of a fear of failure, you will work against yourself. Performance anxiety can get in the way of getting an erection and, if one is obtained, might even cause it to be lost during intercourse.
See if you do a little better maintaining an erection with your wife on top and doing most of the moving. You can always roll over if you want to finish on top. It will also help, of course, if you start at a reasonable hour -- not when you are dead tired.
It is true that you must complete intercourse that ends in your ejaculation in order to procreate. However, loving sex is not always for procreation and, in fact, is usually for recreation. Try to have fun with your wife and if you cannot get or cannot maintain an erection, pleasure her manually or orally. You may find that when you take the pressure off having intercourse, you are more likely to obtain a secure erection that will allow you to do so.
You can always check with your doctor to see if a blood test (for testosterone level) is indicated. This would only be needed if your desire is significantly low. If you are losing every erection you would be a candidate perhaps for Viagra, but if you are generally keeping your erections the medication would not help you exceed your natural limit.
Try to relax and make every sexual episode fun, with or without an erection. Men really can make love with other parts of their bodies, so take full advantage of your hands and your mouth in pleasuring your wife.
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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