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Question:
When me and my girlfriend are fooling around she tries her hardest to make me hard but I never end up hard. Why is this?

Answer:
by Annette Owens: ()
You are probably trying too hard to get an erection. Do you have erections at night time or in the morning and can you get erections by masturbating? If so, you have little to worry about. First of all, your problem is very, very common, and there is a very good chance that it will disappear all together once you are less nervous. It is basically a physiological reaction. When you are nervous, your body produces adrenaline, which reduces the blood flow to your penis and makes it difficult to get an erection. Erections happen when blood rushes to the penis, allowing it to swell up. So the trick for you will be to try to be less nervous. One way you can accomplish this is to get to know your partner and feel more comfortable around her. It takes a while to become comfortable and to begin enjoying sex. Sex is not just a physical stimulation of the genitals. The mind is playing a very important role. The more comfortable you are with your partner and yourself, the better will your sexual experience be. This usually takes time in any relationship. Be patient, and allow yourself the time to let your relationship develop. Do not rush into having intercourse. There are many other ways of showing your affection and caring and you do not need an erection to do so. By the way, your partner may be as nervous as you are. Allow yourself much time just to kiss and explore each other without focusing so much on intercourse. Also be sure that once you are having intercourse to feel comfortable with the birth control you are using. Condoms are not 100% safe and there is a small chance of becoming pregnant despite the use of condoms. This thought alone can be so powerful and frightening to some that they loose their erection. So be sure to discuss appropriate birth control methods with your partner, as for example the use of birth control pills in addition to condoms. Please do not hesitate to ask me further questions. Sincerely, Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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