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Question:
My boyfriend (we are both 18) has lost his sex drive. He doesn't want to do anything sexual (kissing etc). He says he still loves and finds me sexually attractive, but doesn't want sexual activity with anyone. Our relationship used to be very passionate.
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/20/2004)
In your additional information you note that you think your boyfriend's problem might be due to two failed sexual encounters and the stress of being at college. He is having problems socially and academically. And you would like to know an effective way of addressing and fixing his problem.
You cannot fix his problem for him, but you can encourage him to seek help. Since his relationship with you, his social life and his academic performance in college all seem to have been affected, I strongly encourage him to get professional help. He can start by going to student health at his college and most likely, the health professionals at that department can advise him further.
I can think of many reasons for why he has suddenly withdrawn himself from you and others. A health professional will be able to ask the necessary questions to define his situation and offer him specific help.
One last comment to you: This is a difficult time for you and it is easy to feel rejected and unloved. But try to believe his words that he still loves you and finds you sexually attractive. Since other areas of his life are also affected he might be struggling with difficult issues, which simply prevent him from giving you his usual attention. You may benefit from talking to a counselor yourself in an attempt to better understanding the whole situation.
Good luck with everything.
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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